Fiery. Head-Strong. Spiritually-anchored. Loving. Maternal to a fault. Devoted. A Lady. Miss Helen. My Mother. Mom!!!
On 8 October (2001), the Lady who brought me into this world made her transition out of it. All of my Life we knew that she had Health challenges that included a faulty ticker (though she had a Heart for the world), which was not helped by the nasty habit she had developed for nicotine by way of the Pall Mall cigarettes that she smoked. But she even did that as a Lady, for she rarely smoked in public, reserving that for when she was at home in the confines of her personal surroundings. And of course there was the caffeine addiction that I recall being manifested via the daily draining of a thirty-six cup coffee urn, that transitioned into Coca-Cola for the caffeine replacement.
But this is, in fact, a Love Letter in remembrance of my Mom. For the Holy-Day (holiday) Season was always for her ‘♪…the most…wonderful time…of the year..♫.’!!!. The gathering of family and friends. The seasonal meals and activities. The gifts that ‘wowed’ the children. Santa Claus and Frosty the Snowman. (In fact, she always threatened me because I had become so ‘realistic’, she felt she would be forced to beat me for not sharing ‘Santa Claus’ with my children.) The snow and the cold. The Christmas Tree with its fragrant pine scent wafting through the home. The budding New Year. The Manger and the Wise Men. (This part always reminds me of our in-home Bible study lessons in the shed kitchen where we ate dinner when it was just the four of us, learning the lessons of Life and Death, right and wrong.) Yes, it was this time of the year that my Mom enjoyed above all others, and she relished in the joy of the entire Spirit of Christmas like a new babe overwhelmed with the lights, sounds, and all.
So since now is the heart of that period, from its onset at Hallow’s Eve (Hallow’s Eve, often mispronounced as “Halloween”, which is, in fact, the eve of All Saints’ Day, 1 November; a day that is set aside on the calendar for the revered remembrance of One’s ancestors. It has now devolved into ridiculous costumes, ghosts and goblins, and the consumption of poisons (in the form of candy) for unsuspecting children on their way to juvenile on-set high blood sugar, often a wonderful precursor to childhood obesity.) to Thanksgiving and finally to Christmas. I am carrying her Spirit and energy a bit more than usual some ten years after she made transition to the Universal Spirit. A Love Letter drafting, now, because the time of the year fosters this discussion, and because one of her children, my first baby brother, Skipper, recently made his transition as well to join our Mom at this, ‘♪…the most…wonderful time…of the year..♫.’!!!. (And though he had made this “early” path for himSelf, I was nowhere near ready for him to leave to return to the Universal Spirit at this time. Unfortunately, that event is now history, on the cusp of the Winter Solstice, the official Holy Day Season event. He has rejoined Mom, who I am certain wanted him to cease the suffering that he endured in this Life.) But I digress; this is a Love Letter in remembrance of my Mom.
Early in Life, my two brothers and I spent most of our time in the company of my Mom. Our father usually worked two jobs, so was not often around during some of our very significant daily interactions. Mom played games with us just like another child, and of course, to some degree she was another child, bearing me, her oldest son, at the age of nineteen. It was Miss Helen that taught us how to shoot marbles, play Jacks, Kingball, and Deadbox. We played many of the hot board games with my Mom, like Monopoly, Parcheesi, Pokeno, Trouble, Backgammon, and Checkers, as well as the card games WAR and Pitty-Pat. She was extremely competitive, and hated a cheater. In fact, her quote was “If you lie, you cheat, and if you cheat, you steal, and I can’t stand any of them- a liar, a cheater, or a thief”. (And we were always told that if we went to jail for any of these violations, we were on our own.) So a competitive win was honored, but cheating was definitely out when Mom was in the game. (Oh, did I confuse you with some of those games mentioned above? My bad!! But all of them are still Healthy games for children and adults alike, so if you want to know more about them, give me a shout and I can enlighten you.)
And just like these childhood games were taught to me by my Mom, it was Miss Helen who taught us how to seat a woman at the table, hold the door for a Lady, and informed us as to where the silverware went on the table and the order of its use. No, we did not often go to fancy restaurants, but we practiced at home at the dinner table, she being the Lady in every case. Daily lessons in etiquette were a part of our home training, so that when in sixth grade, I was taken to the theatre (by my Mom), I was quite comfortable in the restaurant after the show. (Thus, Miss Helen was actually my first date as well.) Whether it was Linton’s, or Kelly’s Seafood Restaurant, or Horn and Hardart’s Automated Coin-Op Restaurant, understanding the value of social etiquette in public was an integral part of our upbringing. Of course these basic training skills came in handy as I actually began to go to social events once I got older. Even the concept of walking the Lady on the inside was drilled into my head by Miss Helen early on, so that there was no shock in doing this whenever walking with any Lady. Unfortunately, it seems that many women are completely unaccustomed to this practice. I remember years ago, I was questioned by several women as to why I kept ‘…hopping around…’ while we walked, with my only response, ‘My Mother ruined me, so you will just have to get used to it!!’. (Note that in some Latin American countries, if the woman is walking on the outside, it indicates to others that she is for sale!!)
‘Ruin’ is probably not the most accurate term, but the lessons and guidance did establish those old-school values as pertains to interacting with the opposite sex. When I went to college, the phrase that was taught to me by the older male students was that ‘…Discretion is the better part of Valor…’. When I joined the Masonic Order, I was told that the secrets to Masonry were no more than what your Mamma taught you: “Yes, Thank You!!, No Thank You!!, and Please!!”. Thus, Mom was again at the forefront of the lessons that were/are most valuable in managing the social fabric of engagement. And though I had my own ideas about doing things, there were these foundation lessons that stuck and maintain themselves in my psyche and general behavioral demeanor.
Yet, there were also lessons in the mundane. We started cooking at a very early age, hanging out in my Mom’s kitchen making our own biscuits for dinner. Preparing meals has carried through with us since that time, as each of us has spent time in a professional kitchen at some point in our working career. Miss Helen’s vision was initially not so lofty, she just did not want her boys held hostage to some woman because we had no culinary skills, and I would have to say that that concern has been met. Stove skills were not the end of the line – washing the dishes, and maintaining the kitchen was integral to our domestic training. Cleaning house; no problem!! By the time we were young teenagers, my Mom only did house work when she wanted to, for we did all of those chores. A tear in your pants? Find the needle and thread and stitch up the rip. Doing the laundry once the mending was complete was just the next function on the list; and laundry was done on an old-fashioned wringer washing machine to boot. A clean bathroom and kitchen, and a made-up bed were her hallmark themes that had to be kept just so, in the event of unexpected company. Needless to say, we were thoroughly versed in the duties of Hazel and the butler; take your pick Giles or James.
But what of some of the other finer things in Life? We grew up listening to jazz; this muse was ever-present in the house. (Jazz is the first completely American music form, developed from rhythms of the African beat, vocalized through the slave songs wailed in the fields, the Spirituals, Religious Anthems, Gospels, and the Blues, and eventually drawing on the Classics of Bach, Mozart, Beethoven, and beyond – and clearly before!!) Yes we heard Arthur Prysock, Sarah Vaughn, Cal Tjader, Lee Morgan, Nina Simone, Nancy Wilson, Charles “Yardbird” Parker, Edward “Duke” Ellington, William “Count” Basie, Carmen McCrae, Johnny Mathis, David “Fathead” Newman, The Jazz Crusaders (later just ‘The Crusaders’), and Ray Charles, to name a few, on a daily basis. This laid the foundation for me to further explore Miles Davis, Thelonious Monk, and John Coltrane as I ventured further into the music. Miss Helen also had us listening to Frank Sinatra, Ima Sumack, and Xavier Cugat. We urged her into the Motown Sound (well I thought it was us through the prompting of the neighborhood teenagers who were blasting the Temptations, Smokey Robinson and the Miracles, Martha Reeves and the Vandellas, Marvin Gaye, Stevie Wonder all around us), but I recently came to understand that the popular music of the ‘Bobby-Socksers’ was no foreign sound to Miss Helen either. On a weekly basis, we gathered in the Living Room (Miss Helen and the three boys; the fourth came later) to vote on which ‘forty-fives’ we going to buy from the record store for a nickel a piece to play on the “Hi-Fi”; all this before I headed off to college, on the ‘Soul’ of Aretha and the Spinners.
But when I returned a year later, it seemed that my brothers had ‘discotized” my Mom, because the radio was now constantly tuned to WDAS F.M., whereas when I left one year earlier, Miss Helen was holding fast to her WIP A.M. radio, listening to Bing Crosby, Dean Martin, Sergio Mendes and Brazil ’66, Mitch Mitchell, and “Fridays with Frank” on the Mark of Jazz with Sid Mark on WHAT F.M.. The old doors had been blown off, and Teddy Pendergrass, Deniece Williams, The Isley Brothers, and George Benson were commanding the audial attention in the house. But in reality, the evolution had been going on throughout our maturation, I just had not noticed it before.
‘But what does all of this have to do with the Love Letter that you insisted on at the beginning of this diatribe’, you may ask? Well, though I mentioned that we are now in the throes of “♪…the most…wonderful time…of the year..♫!!!”, hearing music and wading through memories and experiences with Miss Helen is an all year experience. Anytime I play music, inevitably my Mom, Miss Helen, is going to poke her loving Spirit through the sound and pay me a visit. I am invariably going to pull out an album (ooops, I mean CD) that is going to generate sounds that will take me to some period in my Life when Mom held sway and influence over the sounds that I heard through the music that was generated on the Hi-Fi, or the stereo. Music was one of our special connections, and her indomitable Spirit continues to speak to me through any and all music, and especially during this, “♪…the most…wonderful time…of the year..♫!!!”. It is at this time, the height of the Holy Day Season that my Mom loved so much, that the sounds are concentrated, and the warmth and joy of the Holy Day Season are aglow, and all of the music is most evident in the hummings, rhythms, and soundscapes that culminate in the dinner dressings and desserts. And amidst it all is Mom!!!
(Did I mention that as a Boy Scout, at Hart Scout Reservation, we were always in camp during the celebratory week of 25 July, and it was at this time that the camp celebrated “Christmas in July”, so Christmas Carols were sung throughout the week by the staff. Thus to this day, I am still wont to sing Christmas Carols during the month of July!?!?!!!! – Therefore, music has no seasonal limitation for me!)
Let me also mention the child-likeness and Spirit that we enjoyed with Miss Helen. From “Charlie Brown and The Great Pumpkin” to “Frosty the Snowman” to “Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer”, to “The Scrooge Christmas Carol (Bah-Humbug!!!!)” starring Mr. McGoo, and the other animated shows that populate the television airwaves for the younger Ones that believe in the power of Santa Claus, and the Spirit! of Christmas, Miss Helen was parked in front of the magic-box watching every year, as if it were the first time that she gazed upon these images. She thoroughly enjoyed these shows that generated smiles, hinting a return to the innocence of a Child, and by extension, a Child-of-God!!!
Thus it is with heavy, but joyous and Loving heart, that I write what may not necessarily sound like a Love Letter, but believe you me, this is a serious Love Letter!!! A Love Letter that I write in remembrance of my Mom, Miss Helen (and even my first baby brother, Skip, who is now with her), as we forge forward through her favorite time of the year, which is “♪…the most…wonderful time…of the year..♫”!!!!
Let me close by noting that there is an African proverb that states that as long as a person’s name is mentioned, that person shall live forever. Thus, through the words of this Universally shared, but very personally flavored brief memoir, I continue to invoke the name and Spirit! of my Mom, Miss Helen, that she may live forever, by way of this single “Love Letter”!!


















































































































































































































































































































